I wake this morning to the crisp cool air of the coming fall season. This is my favorite time of year. Not very hot, not icy cold like the winter. Just right for a good cup of coffee, my bible, and a journal. That’s how I started this morning at about 5:45am as I sat out on my little concrete patio reading and reflecting in the quiet. It brought to mind an old 4Him song I still enjoy listening to nearly 11 or so years after its release. It’s called “Sacred Hideaway”. I’ll not share the whole song with you but you can look up the lyrics and I’m sure for .99 you can download the song. But as I pondered my day today (more on that in a moment), the quiet brought to mind the first part of the song:
“There’s a shadow I can’t see
From a holy canopy
That my Father spread for me
When I’m strong or when I’m weak
When I wake or when I sleep
He is watching over me”
I so much feel this cover as I wake each day. How can I explain having all my needs met each week, each month, each year? Soon, the quiet time of reflection ends and I must begin the task of waking my children, preparing my calendar and task lists for the day….Ahh, how good the coffee tastes when it’s quiet and it’s just you and Lord….The song continues:
“Just beneath what lies between
What is real and what is seen
There is a refuge in His wing”
God, I need your wing today. I want to cry. I want to shake my fist. I sort through emails, my phone calls from last night, and a list of things from yesterday’s tasks that must be moved a day forward…..I must keep singing:
“I have found a secret place
Where I can go to hide away
Safe inside this hallowed space
I am concealed by saving grace”
Why the emotions? I have a woman living with a man out of wedlock….and she can justify it. I have another family torn by strife and possibly facing divorce. Another is in financial straits and feels like they may move back to where they came from. This just after they got plugged in at our church. A young boy feels the strife in his house is his fault. Another celebrates his father’s banishment and shakes his fist at God and says “See what you did?” Still another family asks for money and yet, hasn’t been in our church for two months. A series of bad decisions has led them to a path where their jobs aren’t sufficient to meet their basic needs yet, they drive a car in better shape than mine as they visit my home asking for help. I have sick family back where I come from. I’m worried but at the same time thankful that I have a church planting friend in my denomination who will visit them to let me know all is okay….Can I sing some more?..
“Flaming arrows deep in flight
People dropping left and right
Still I’m safely out of sight
Darkness trying to prevail
Demons fighting tooth and nail
But I’m kept within the veil
In the veil… (There’s a place that lies between)
(What is real and what is seen)
In the veil (A shadow I can’t see)
(When I’m underneath His wing)”
I must go out and face this. I must celebrate the families who are making wise decisions and those who are just happy to have Jesus in their heart and ask for nothing more…I realize that every church is like this but for some reason, my heart is heavy this morning…..I want to lock up in my home with a good book and forget that I’m a pastor for a day…..Still the song plays in the background:
“Still within this life
There’s so much to learn
Barriers to cross
Their bridges to be burned
And where the lion walks
I will not be afraid
My feet may touch the earth
But my heart is swept away
In this hideaway”
(Emphasis mine)
No. Sometimes like Elijah, I just need to hide under the broom tree for a while until God visits me and reminds me that there’s much worse that could be happening. I could be in a country where my calling could mean I could die any day and never feel the embrace of my wife and children again. No…I will go. My heart is burdened for these families. I’m tearing up as I write somewhat cathartic this morning. Thank you Jesus for loving me and loving our church. Help me to be the leader you called me to be. Amen.
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