Into The Dark

This week I was informed by my denomination’s church planting board that I will be placed on what is known in our group as “designated support”.  This is a phrase which basically means that I no longer have my salary guaranteed and that I will receive whatever is given by others to survive.  If I receive $1000 less in giving this month, my salary is reduced by that amount and I have to find a way to replace that income myself.  For this first time since I can remember, I went out applying for jobs at local places like Starbucks and Wal-Mart.  I felt like a 16 year old kid again.  I’ve interviewed for jobs twice since I’ve been 22 having stayed at my position in radio for 15 years prior to moving to Denver as a church planter 6 years ago.  During that time, I’ve traveled to raise support across the Midwest where I’m originally from.  I’ve told my wife I have a calm about this but still, when you have a wife and three kids to take care of, it’s scary nonetheless.

I understand the reasons why.  Giving is down across the country and other church planters are receiving the same treatment.  I’ve spoken with two this week who are much younger than I and somehow, they’ve looked to me for reassurances.  I’m not sure I’ve much to give other than my own faith that believes if I’m working hard, still feel called, and am putting my trust completely in Him, that it will work out that the bills will somehow get paid.  If that means a second job, so be it.  I love what I do and though hours at another job take away from my effectiveness, I still believe it’s the right thing to do.  God will honor my effort.  My wife is picking up additional hours at her work but we’ve prayed and decided that she must be home more to help with the children.  She’s willing to do more and my 16 year old just started her first job and told me she’d help with her own activities and things but I’ve told them all that I will provide.  God will be honored.  And really, that’s all that matters.  The church will take care of itself if we are faithful.  Sometimes I think I worry too much about it but it’s not just about me.  I know I’m the leader but there are others who contribute.  I must stay strong for them and keep the faith.  Still, it’s an odd look a 20-something manager gives you when she says: “..and Pastor, you want to be a barista again why?”

If you’re so inclined, would you please pray for me?  Not only that, but pray for my wife who’s taking this harder than me.  We know we’re called.  We know God’s in control but this is one of those times when he calls us to the dark and just tells us to trust but nothing more.